All About That English Major Life

· by · in Life, Literature. ·

As graduation season rolls around once again, the ratio of meaningful life reflections to “It’s Gonna Be May” Justin Timberlake memes scattered throughout my Newsfeed peeks at an astonishing 5:1.  These personal progress reports, ranging from the 140-character tweet (respect) to the facebook note novella, spark pre-mature nostalgia and prompt me to reflect on my own collegiate transitions. For one, I can no longer imagine an existence without the aid of Google Calendar, those merciful colored blocks, and the illusion of order they lend my life. For another, I finally mustered the courage to retire an outmoded, social and self expectation-fueled dream in favor of my true passion.

A year ago today, I was lying in my bed in sweatpants, wide awake for the 54th consecutive hour and surrounded by cyclohexanes (some of them printed on sheets of notebook paper, some ingrained in my vision). I was seeing chair conformations on the plastered ceiling, in the bathroom tiles, in the shape of my chicken finger. I was wasting time typing my nightly 2 am Word document ramblings, wondering why it was so difficult to face each day even after I managed to fall into a coma-induced stupor. Wondering at what point along the way I had misplaced my motivation. Wondering why I was afraid to allow myself a moment to think. 

It’s difficult to change. It’s difficult to re-examine a 3-year-old’s penchant for taking temperatures, white coats, and carefree assertions of “I want to be a doctor, mommy,” and as strange as it sounds, it’s difficult to realize that a different person now exists, one who has found more healing in words than in prescriptions.  It’s difficult to remember the words “You can do anything you put your mind to,” to confront the new edge of disappointment in those same voices, to realize the person you’ve grown to be and accept is no less for being of a different mind. That first phone conversation in the Woodruff parking lot, a week before the end of the semester, was the most difficult fifteen minutes of my life. In those fifteen minutes, I struggled into existence.

A year ago today, I wiped the slate clean of 19 years’ meticulous planning, stared into the terrifying blankness, and made the first mark. “I want to be an English major.”

Today, after a year of papers, novels, ideas, and reflection, I’m lying here on my couch in sweatpants reading an acceptance letter from   Emory’s 4+1 BA/MA English Master’s Program over and over until my eyes burn from the light of my computer screen (and a few delayed tears, let’s be real). I’ve spent all-nighters in search of the perfect line before poetry work-shopping day, sleepless nights burned away in a frenzy of excitement rather than sunk in weighty lethargy. I’ve completely re-written assignments 5 times, out of sheer joy in the exploration of essay prompt options. Last semester, I enrolled in 22 hours of course credit, wrote over 40 papers, read upwards of 500 pages a night. I can imagine no greater privilege. I’m still ambitious as hell, but I’m happy. I’ve allowed myself the simple pleasure of doing without any peripheral thought of my resume. I have a future again, but I also have a present.

In the wonderful words of Dr. Otis, “People ask all the time why study English, but we all inhabit stories of some kind. It’s important to realize what narratives you’re living out, to think about your own conceptions and understanding of reality, so that you don’t get swept up in someone else’s.” Even as my own conceptions of reality continue to alter drastically,  literature remains my equilibrium. Reading is pure creation.

Only when the last page comes, can I flip to the beginning and realize that there’s more to know and more that can never be known. Only when the last page comes, can I re-discover who I am.

169 responses to “All About That English Major Life”

  3. When I first saw this title I thought your post would be about the retired, eccentric army major who lived in the hotel in 70s sit com Fawltey Towers!

    Reading and writing are limitless. You make me want to take an English postgrade.

    • Haha, sorry to disappoint your expectations! The closest I’ve come to that particular major life is an overwhelming fondness for Catch-22’s Major Major.
      Reading and writing are indeed as limitless as the human consciousness. We all invent fictions on a daily basis, which are better known as expectations, assumptions, and judgments, and we so often mistake our fictions, our perceptions for the one true reality. There is nothing more rewarding than reading the world from another’s perspective and finding fragments of your reality embedded in their vision.

  4. You did what I didn’t have the courage to do. I felt that I was committed already to a certain path, that I had come this far, so I might as well complete what I had started.
    I’m trying to establish balance now that I am out in the real world, but I do wonder what my life would be like had I majored in writing instead of engineering.

    • People always cite that Robert Frost quote “I took the road less travelled by and that has made all the difference,” wielding it in conversation like the universal inspiration of self-congratulation. They often forget to mention that the roads were really “worn about the same,” the narrative twinge of profound regret that roads diverge, that no matter how happy and secure our present state, way leads on to way and we can never go back to know for sure what we’ve missed. We’ve all misplaced something along the way, and no one can resist the lingering glance behind at all the possibility of the unknowable. But the most wonderful, astonishing thing about a love of words is its enduring permeability. Language builds all roads- once you find that awakening ache of recognition and of expression, you never leave it behind. It is language itself that glances backwards and sees a question mark in the shape of a receding road. An engineering degree is a wonderful accomplishment, and you still carry a love of writing in your pocket no matter where you’ve been and where you go from here. Don’t wonder. Write. Write about engineering, about regret, write the would and the should of your life as well as the is and the was. Suddenly the tense won’t matter- and you might be disoriented to find that the person you hoped to be and the person that you are are one and the same. Suddenly, you’ll find your balance once again. Wishing you the best.

  5. Congratulations on getting into Emory’s graduate program. I hope you go on to do wonderful things there, especially since I’m also an English major with big dreams and who finds literature essential to my existence.

  10. I remember liking my language major classes, but not to that extent! You have so much ambition that most of us can’t help but be jealous.

  11. Pingback: “Accuse me thus: that I have scanted all” | themodernidiot·

  12. Worked for me, no regrets, just thankful I had the intuition and wits at the time to make such an enormously life enhancing decision. As I was young and feckless when I did, without a clue about $ or making it, I never hesitated, over the cliff I went, chasing after Shakespeare and the rest, my heroes–and it’s been great. Oddly, over the years, the degree has landed me in top executive positions at major corporations (big $$$) –all accidents, never angled for them-because 1) I could think 2) reason 3) write well 3) speak like the angels if necessary 4) understood human motivation and behavior (from the great books I’d read and 5) CEOs could point to me like a trophy and say: “Ain’t that gal, something, huh? We’re real lucky to have her.” Bailed that of course after while and became (ah) the writer I knew I was meant to be. Go for it

    • Thank you and thank you for sharing your story! It’s funny how many people giggle over the unemployment prospects of humanities majors, and neglect to mention the versatility that essential skills like a knowledge of language and an understanding of human nature bring to any job. It’s wonderful to hear that you’ve been so inadvertently successful in whatever you chose to do.

      • Two things I think I should add here: None of my “successes” were at bottom “inadvertent” in that I worked like a dog at everything I undertook. My degrees in English gave me the skills that were recognized as valuable by employers and they gave me opportunities to use them, to prove in practice that they were transferable and that their willingness to take a chance on me was based on correct assumptions. Also my background in literature and the language skills I acquired 1) taught me how to think critically–VIP! and 2) gave me the confidence and “poise” (I guess you would call it that), qualities/benefits that other majors simply don’t confer.

      • I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t have to work hard to get where you are at all. I meant inadvertently in reference to what you said about not being concerned with money in your choices. By following your passion, you acquired all these amazing skills.

  13. I was an English major once and loved every moment of it. You will too. Whenever the young women I mentor tell me that they’re considering switching their major to English, I tell them (with their parents cringing nearby): If you know how to write well, you’ll always have a job.
    It’s a wise choice and a lifelong passion.

    • Thank you! I’m so thankful to be given the luxury of living my passion and it’s so encouraging to realize how many literature lovers live among us in every single capacity. The left brain needs more advocates like you! 🙂

  14. what will it be, do you suppose, before you find yourself? the peace corp, or a stint as an organic farmer, or maybe just a few years waiting tables before you take a job in admissions at a small school in vt….

    • Fortunately, I’ve already found myself, and a large core of who I am is hard work, passion, and ambition. No matter whether I land tenure or a publication deal, my identity will remain the same.

  15. I loved college. It was a real privilege to feed one’s soul at 18 credits a semester. 22 is impressive! Great job. I sometimes wish I could go back, but maybe I’ll pass the baton to my kids, and hope they love learning and thinking as much as I do.

    • Thanks so much! Glad to hear from another bibliophile. The more I study, the more I realize there’s more to be learned than can ever be learned (forgive me a moment, while I belt out into a round of “The Circle of Life”), and hopefully, it will be a lifelong process for both of us. Apparently, once you’re over 65, you can attend free courses at any state college- so naturally, I already can’t wait to retire!

      • It does make you feel alive and connected to a larger world, doesn’t it? You can learn the most unexpected things in places you wouldn’t expect to find them…

  16. If toiling over your assignments only brought more joy then I know you’ve hit the sweet spot – what you do flows from who you are. Congrats!

  17. I posture myself as a post-reformation English turned science turned foreign language turned English major. Apparently recursion has a sense of humor ( or i’m just plain ADD.) Though I don’t really tout the course of study – I found myself ranting more oft than not at my liberal arts professors for their many egregious misinterpretations of Keats “Bright Star” and how he was avowedly NOT a neo-platonist and that any PHD who wished to debate with me could ascend the honors forum pulpit and we’d duke it out.

    I only had one challenger – and I drew as much personal satisfaction over the victory as my mortal muse did. In fairness, the two things studying liberal arts in the university taught me have stuck: There’s always more processes embedded in different forms of literature than one might suspect by normal purvey and 2) The Tale of Genji and Sakuntala and the Ring of Recollection offer fair vehicles of analysis for Bronzino’s Allegory.

    Congratulations on the hard fought finish – I certainly didn’t finish. Between professors telling me my writing style stank of antiquated philosophical tracts and esoteric liturgy, mad hash marks on my grammar because I collectively chose to ignore syntax as pertinent, and yet was so abnormal and beautiful they went back to it like a bad addiction – I rather got fed up with an explanation of syncretism and went to the dark side of sciences.

    Once again, well done!

    • Thanks! Haha, that’s quite the saga. For someone who abandoned any pertinent career in the sciences, I’ve never understood this innate desire to categorize and isolate, especially with regards to the right and left sides of the brain. Science and English are not so different really- both are desperate, fallible attempts at understanding life and the complicated role of human existence in the whole of it. Good luck on your dark side, wish me luck on my own side. It’s dark over here too! 😛

      • They really aren’t – which is why i’m such a huge proponent for interdisciplinary education. Being educated with poetry seemed as relevant as studying fredholm integrals. Less the data – more the processes. (hence categorizing and isolating.) The necessity of science to categorize and isolate is based on empirical reasoning which is good until taken too far and then the thought process grows sterile and prevents new thoughts – like the arts propose a bit of an intuitive approach which are good until a proposition need be breached – and then the intuitive process backfires because its not information readily distributed and understood because of inherent subjectivity.

  18. Reblogged this on CATULLUS CATULLUS and commented:
    When I was younger, I used to pass people who looked like me on the street and wonder what they were like, and if I would be living lives like theirs someday. As I grew up, I began to imagine backwards, and wonder how I would reach the places I might want to go. This reminded me of that, in a roundabout way.

  20. I had to follow your blog when I saw its name. That’s one of my favorite quotes…and this is coming from a fellow English major who appreciates those canon greats (like that of Elliot) as well as a good cup of joe at whatever time of day. Good piece. I look forward to more. And read on!

    • Thank you so much! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my blog so far. I’ll do my best to keep it entertaining and literary! T.S Elliot is one of my absolute favorite poets. 🙂

  22. I left school at 16, and started my English Major when I was……40! It’s been well worth it, and having had a career already I don’t feel like I have to constantly justify this degree like some of the twenty something’s do in the BA program. Before I graduated last year I ran my first marathon and became a Nanna……..it’s been a rollercoaster ride so far and I’m currently almost halfway through an Honours year in English Literature. Ironically, I used to hate school when I was a teenager and would never have believed that I’d be studying by choice aged 43! Congratulations on the freshly pressed, hopefully makes an English Major a bit more worthwhile?!

    • That’s incredible! Congratulations on all you’ve accomplished so far. I wish I had the stamina and willpower to run a marathon- I can barely manage a 5k! I can relate, though. Growing up, I used to mildly resent all the expectations and how hard I seemed to work compared to all my friends and peers. I’m still astonished occasionally when I consider how hard I push myself without any motivation but an intense love of learning and, dare I say it, studying! Thank you so much. It’s such an honor to be freshly pressed. Speaking of motivation… 🙂

  23. This is an excellent response to Homer Simpson’s dilemma. “English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.”

    With an English Major, one is able to turn the page on a new day with the confidence of writing a new story arc.

    Tis poetry.

  24. Congratulations! Years ago, I went for archaeology in a similar paroxysm of common sense. You will live a life of the richest poverty, instead of impoverished wealth.

  25. Great piece! I studied BA English Literature and am near to completing my MA in Phil Lit. It is amazing how, every time after reading or completing an essay, one feels invigorated. You truly do feel as though you have lived out the expression ‘anything is possible.’ For me, every deadline is that bittersweet love-hate relationship, but when I think of having no deadline at all, or book to read/essay to write, I realise that this is a feeling I will miss once I have completed my studies! p.s. Good luck with your MA – I am sure you will love it!

    • Thank you so much, Anila! I’m giddy with anticipation to begin- I’ve already started some of my research on the sly. I completely relate to the almost endorphin-induced high of overcoming the blank page and completing an assignment. I wish I didn’t need deadlines to motivate me (or more likely the procrastination to terrify me into action), but I can’t help thinking how lucky we are to have the luxury of studying what we love. Good luck on completing your MA! I hope it’s a wonderful experience! 🙂

  28. You had me right up until “Justin Timberlake.”
    Ok. I kept reading after, and a huge congrats to you. I experienced the same change when I realized that I wasn’t meant for an MBA and needed to go back to Journalism/Creative Writing. I’ve been WAY more happy and motivated ever since. Good luck to you.

    • Thank you! I’m so glad you overcame the Justin Timberlake reference (I have a few qualms myself with his prevalence in my Newsfeed) and enjoyed my post! I’m so glad to hear that you were able to follow your passion. 🙂

  30. It’s great that you’re enjoying it: so many students study for the wrong reasons and get very little from their years at university. And congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

  32. It may be jarring to reinvent your career, but i suspect it will be quite natural to follow your deeper interests. Perhaps one day it will fit as easily as a new-grown skin!

  33. Wow, I am so impressed that you made such a crazy, 90-degree turn. I have a BA in English, and can most certainly relate to the stacks and stacks of papers and painful rewrites.

    I’m only now, 6 years after graduating, finally comprehending just how helpful my English major experiences were. I’ve decided to get my master’s in Learning Design & Technology, which is a path I never thought my love of all things English would take me.

    Good luck to you, and congratulations on following your passion!

    • Thank you, Kim! It’s wonderful to hear so much confirmation of all the wonderful and applicable aspects of studying English. Good luck with your Masters!

  34. I had a similar turning point once in my life, and I made the same decision, with almost exactly the same results. I can’t honestly say I have the same work ethic as you do (I wish I could), but I am so happy to be an English major and glad that you’ve found the joy of it too!

    • Thank you so much! I wouldn’t overestimate my work ethic if I were you (after all this blog is a bit of a pet procrastination project in itself! :P), but it’s so easy to work when you’re doing what you love. I’m glad to hear that you’ve had a similarly wonderful outcome from your experience. English majors unite! 🙂

    • I’m so honored and pleased to hear that my words and my experiences inspire you. And so, so glad to hear from a fellow English major! You won’t regret it! 🙂

    • Thank you! That’s wonderful to hear. I’m planning on a career as an English professor, but if I’m being honest with myself, I also have writing aspirations. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you write?

    • Thank you! It’s an extremely difficult choice to make in the present, but in hindsight, it seems so obvious and easy. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  39. I went through a similar reformation! I know where your coming from girl and when you let that go it’s the best feeling in the world. Good luck on your English Major endeavor there are plenty here with you.

    • Thank you so much! And I know, right?! She’s a genius. I can’t believe I got to go to class everyday and emerge with words of wisdom like those in my pocket. 🙂

  43. Thank you! This is really encouraging. My current major is East Asian Languages and Cultures, and I’ve decided to double major in Comparative Literature. I made that decision a year ago, but that was right before studying abroad in Japan for a year. So, I haven’t really been able to see the fruits of my decision, other than the 17 hour class schedule I’ve picked for next semester that’s entirely focused on my second major. This gives me more courage to keep going! Thank you thank you 🙂

    • I entered college as a Biology and English double major, but due to all the pre-med requirements I had to complete, I barely read a book until my decision at the end of my sophomore year. Fall of my junior year was the best semester of my life. I hope your experience is every bit as wonderful as my own has been! I’m glad my words could give encouragement! 🙂

  44. I wish I could have done the same! When I had to take a similar decision between chemistry and English!

    A very beautiful and honest post! I am so happy to have stumbled on your blog 🙂 And congratulations on being Freshly Pressed 🙂

    • Thank you so much! I’m glad you found and enjoyed my blog. I hope you’re enjoying your decision to pursue to chemistry, regardless. Your love of English will always be there when you need it- a fundamental understanding of language and the human condition will be essential in any profession. Wishing you the best! 🙂

  45. Some of the best physicians I’ve had were English majors as undergrads.
    Whether you’re approaching it from the perspective of critical reading or of practicing the art of writing, literature instills a range of thinking and relating to the world and oneself that cannot be found elsewhere. Even so, the instilled outlook can also be applied universally.
    I say this as a political science major who minored in literature, spent a lifetime in daily journalism, and has published widely in poetry and fiction.
    Best wishes!

    • I could not agree more! Thank you so much for the kind and wise words! My roommate is a political science major with a love of literature who wants to pursue a career in journalism…it’s a wonderful combination, and I’m always regretting that I can’t have 6 different majors. Congratulations on your publications!

  47. This is very interesting. I have also asked my self why I studied English Literature, just like people ask me. Then I tried to repeat the words others put in my mouth. But now, I am kind of ok with the fact that I did. Wishing you all the best!

    • Thank you! I felt exactly the same way before this year- my parents would notice how passionate I was about English, and when they would ask why, I asked myself too and could never quite articulate it until now.

  48. Battled with the same decision at the start of this semester. You made the decision that was right for you. I still find myself reading books on psychology and finding out what people are research. Being an English major is amazing.

  49. As someone who previously aspired to go into medicine without any real reasoning for it, I found this inspiring to read. I also decided to change my undergraduate studies and career pathway, and am finding myself much more interested and engaged as a student. I think you described the situation very well: “I have a future again, but I also have a present.”

    • Thank you so much for the reblog! I can’t wait to read more of your blog as soon as I return to civilization and a better Internet connection! 🙂

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